What's not to love?

As I sit here in this house, all by myself, day after day, I can't  help but think about your new life. 

And how great it sounds. 

You see, I've been basically living in this suspended reality since you've been gone. I've put my life on hold for the most part, as I waited for you to come home in a couple of days ... or later this week ... or next weekend ... or soon. None of which ever came. 

You, on the other hand, have been on quite an adventure. It sounds like fun to me. Everything is new and fresh and exciting ... the relationship and the activities. 

You've moved four times, five if you count leaving here. You've had plenty of projects at the house you were moving from and the house you were moving to. You've gotten to do a flip ... something near and dear to your heart. Always something new to think about, something new to accomplish. It's work, but it's fun. 

I'm assuming you've been on some amazing vacations. Maybe they're horse related. Maybe you have a favorite SC spot or Caribbean beach. Maybe it's enjoying National Parks or Big Sky country or breathtaking landscapes in the motorhome. You've got the means for Alaska or Europe or Asia ... who knows. I'm just betting that you've been able to experience something new and that sounds like fun. 

And you got the cowboy dream house! Hickory everything. Log bed. Alpacas. A touring bike. 

The best part is that you have someone to share it all with. A smile to start the day with. Someone to talk to about the little things and the big things. Someone to rub your back and buy you socks. And it's easy ... there's no conflict yet. It's new and exciting. Full of smiles and butterflies in your stomach and comfort and endless talking about everything as you discover, or rediscover, each other. So many years to catch up on. So many stories to tell for the first time. Laughter. New traditions and patterns. Private jokes and bedtime whispers. If that's not fun, I don't know what is. 

You don't have to face the mess. You don't have to think about the finances. You don't have to listen to me cry or yell or beg. You don't have to deal with people who want something from you. You don't have to even acknowledge any of it happened, let alone deal with it. 

You are foot loose and fancy free! How nice for you. 

I can totally see how it's better to be there, not here. Hell, had I known how this was going to go down, I'd have run away first. 




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

You should have been there.

This past Saturday was Zoe's wedding in Neenah.  I went up early on Friday to help with the last-minute stuff that surrounds events like this. You remember how it goes ... eerily similar to our trek to Phoenix when Lynda got married. Errands to run, drama to damper and divert, smiles to interject ... just trying to make this sort of high-pressure thing happens with as little chaos as possible.  There honestly wasn't much to do on Friday. Lynda and Deb had it all pretty well under control. The hotel was just a block off the main drag in Neenah, so after running a couple of errands, Rob, Lynda and I walked to a local spot for dinner as everyone else headed toward the rehearsal activities.  Sitting in that bar, full of its Friday night crowd, it was hard to not think about what you'd have ordered or if you'd have thought it was too loud. We talked about Dylan's upcoming wedding and Kati's adventures in mom-hood. Our threesome was missing a piece. You should have be...
Read more

Are you OK?

I think you're not. Maybe I need to believe that for any of this to make sense.  If you had just walked away from me, I think I could get my head around it.  But you walked away from everyone and everything that ever mattered in your life. You left with two saddles, a red duffle bag, some tools, a few deer mounts, a turkey, some guns, and the clothes on your back.  I guess you didn't arrive in my life with much more than that.  But you walked away from your daughter.  Who does that?  Please get some help ... before this eats you up from the inside out or before you do this to someone else. 
Read more

Big balls.

You know how sometimes things that seem very different from each other really aren't?  For instance, love and hate seem like opposite ends of the spectrum, but in reality, they're two sides of the same coin. You have to really care about someone to love them or hate them. There's passion involved with both.  The reality is that the opposite of love is indifference. No feeling at all.  I wonder if courage and coward are like that.  You literally started living with another woman, in another state, moved with her three times, started a totally new existence and did not tell a single soul where you were. You lied to everyone you knew. (Except for the brief period in NC when you told me about the grading company.) For all practcial purposes, you disappeared totally and fell off the face of the earth, while building a totally new life in complete hiding.  You either have the biggest balls of anyone I know or you are the biggest coward I have ever met. Or maybe it's a...
Read more