50/50.

I'm spending a lot of time on here talking about how I feel. How you wronged me. How this affects me. 

I want you to know that I'm also trying to see it through your eyes. All relationships are two way streets and both sides have a responsibility to hold up their own end. There's two sides to every pancake, is how I think you put it. 

So, that being said: 

I'm sorry I didn't make you feel like this was a safe place to land when the wheels were coming off. It was a safe place ... whether you believe it or not. 

I wish I had learned a new way to address conflict that allowed us to be more productive when we hit rough patches. 

I should have been more involved in the business ... taken on your bookkeeper role ... to help you grow your empire. I wonder if you felt like I just abandoned you. 

We should have carved out more time to talk about the real stuff. The hard stuff. Or learned how to do that after the first time. 

I fell into a big black hole with Bella's diagnosis and I had a really hard time getting out. I imagine that put a lot of pressure on you at a time when you needed support, too. It's hard to have two crises at the same time. I wish you'd have talked to me and I wish I had better radar.

I probably took your big shoulders, your ability to jump in and help, your get-r-done strength for granted, too. You were carrying a lot of weight ... like we all were ... but we both sort of suffered in silence. 

If you didn't know how much I loved you and how deeply I needed you and how thoroughly I wanted you, I'm really, really sorry. 


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