Brewers 1 - Commitment 0

Do you remember that Brewers game we did with the Prairie du Chien crew? 

It was a perfectly beautiful day, we arrived early to tailgate, everyone was having a good time. 

Our seats were between right and center field on the Miller Party Deck, I think ... in the same place we had hosted the PE crew a year or two before. 

I was having a great time. Big Personality Me had showed up, with the help of a couple of extra beers. She didn't show up very often, as Regular Me was a bit to unwilling to relax and be fun very often. But on this day, the company was good and everything was just easy, so why not? 

There was a small group of young men sitting behind us. Like young-young. They couldn't have been much over 21. They started chit-chatting with us. 

You know that Regular Me is not a mingler ... not someone who makes random small talk with strangers. (You're the one who can learn someone's whole life story and exchange phone numbers in the Menard's parking lot, remember?) 

On this day, however, I was having a fun, engaging in a little banter with these young'uns. (And let's be real, they were young enough to be my kids.)

At one point, I started talking smack. One of them called me out and he said he was going to buy me a beer or something like that. I was Big Personality Me, remember, and I was ready to back up my smart aleck mouth. So I stood up to follow this kid to the nearest concession stand and ... 

You gave me a look of death, grabbed my arm and told me to sit down. 

You. Were. Pissed. 

I could see how seriously you were taking a moment that I thought was goofy and fun and I got an instant pit in my stomach. 

I had embarrassed you. I had disrespected you. I'm not sure if you thought I was flirting with this kid or if you thought I was just crossing a line. 

I was doing neither and there's no way he was either. I'm an old lady, for God sakes! In my head, it was silly and harmless. Good heavens, he was a baby and I could handle myself. 

But it bothered you. A lot. 

It made things uneasy between us for the rest of the game. And the ride home. And the next few days. 

You were mad. I can't remember if we talked about it or not. I knew how you felt about cheating and I just assumed that I had danced too close to some boundary. I also knew I never wanted to make you feel that way again. 

And yet, fast forward, here we are. Quite a double standard, eh? 

You somehow talked yourself into believing that what you're doing is OK. I will never understand how anyone can choose to hurt someone else like that. 

I think I've said it before, you get to decide not to love me or want to be with me. It's not like I was holding a gun to your head.

But the vows you made to me were real. Breaking them is lying to me ... and to yourself. 

Regardless of the situation, you were and are still married to me.

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