July 2020

 

JULY 3, 2020, 7:46 AM

YOU: Gm. Princess, I hope your day is easy, I will check in later, love you me

ME: I have to work. Ac is running like crazy. I hope you are safe.

YOU: All good , and I love you

ME: I love you too Jim. And I would love to start our new life together.

YOU: Agreed, and we will, dont work to hard , stay cool and I will IM ya later baby

..........................:......................................

JULY 31, 2020, 8:27 AM

ME: I hope your psoriasis is doing ok and i hope you have a good day. Lym

YOU: My skin is ok, arthritis is good so far, and I hope you have a good day, I am heading east from Montana, I love you too, more then words can say.

................................................................

I read thes and I get lost all over again. The questions flood in my head, but I know I can't ask you. Did she give you an ultimatum, too? Did we both start pulling on you in opposite directions and you had to make a choice? Were you just trying to buy time? Had you already decided to leave me for good here? 

In reality, none of those things matter. What does matter is that I'm still just flat out worried about you because the man I saw last week was someone very unfamiliar to me. The person I'm talking to via text and on the phone now seems like some weird alternate universe bot. Am I supposed to be worried about you because you've lost touch with reality? Are you experiencing some sort of split personality thing? Have I just lost my damn mind and I wasn't supposed to interpret all the gut-wrenching discussions and I love yous like I did? Are you such a compulsive liar that you can move between these two worlds and mean what you say in both of them? Who lies to someone they love/d like that? What IS reality? I surely do not know at this point. 

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