My first reaction.

 I'm not sure if you'll believe this, but my very first reaction when I saw the photo was one of relief. You were alive. You looked like you were eating and sleeping. You didn't appear to be living in your truck. And you had someone to watch out for you. 

How sick is that? 

My second reaction was not nearly as kind. In fact, I sent you a text that summarized my second reaction. I think it read, "You motherfucker." 

I was honestly surprised by how fast and literally the photo took my breath away. 

The questions started flooding into my head. Who is she? How long? Where are they? How could he? How could I not know? How dumb am I for believing him? How could he do this to me? 

I wanted so badly to be mad ... only mad. But I couldn't muster it. 

You know why? Because I was so very worried about you ... still. 

I could see that look of pain on your face and I knew that Jim wasn't my Jim. Maybe that sounds dumb. But I know that look. It's misery. And fear. And pain. You wear it on your forehead. 

So I immediately started to construct the narrative. What paths got us to that photo? And what paths put us in this moment where I was looking at it? 

The very first thing I wrote follows on the next entry.  

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