You’ve got a problem, don’t you?

Today was the day I learned that they believe you’ve been divorced for three years. Or, at the very least, you’ve been solely theirs for three years and are undoubtedly divorced.

I certainly didn’t expect to get this information when I found the photo of you playing Grandpa, teaching that cute kid how to shoot. I was just so shocked when I found it … so stunned when I looked at the date … that I reacted impulsively, “liking” it with the angry face emoji, as my heart was beating in my throat.

I apologized. It was probably a childish thing to do. And, I also let you know I had done it.

But now I know that you’ve been lying to more than just me.

Which means you have a problem on your hands. How are you going to wiggle out of this predicament?

Tell them that I’m the crazy, psycho woman scorned? “See … that’s EXACTLY why I left! She is obsessive and nuts! I told her to back the fuck down and if she doesn’t, I’ll get a restraining order!”

The problem with that is that we both know the truth.

I am not some crazy, psycho woman. I’m not mean. I’m not vindictive. I haven’t been refusing to give you a divorce. In fact, the first time we spoke of it face to face was two weeks ago and that's only because I drove across country to find you. We haven’t been fighting about assets or anything. I haven’t tried to make your life miserable.

In fact, the opposite of just about all of that is true.

I am a woman who loved her husband. Trusted him. Believed him … even when I shouldn’t have. At his request, I was giving him the space he needed to get his head together and come home, as he said he wanted to do.

I chose to support him. Pay for his mistakes. Help him out of legal and financial jams. Even when he didn’t help me.

I begged him to get help. I thought he was suicidal, broke, and living in his truck. He told me he was driving semi, paying off debts and working his way back to the life that he wanted here.

He even asked me to promise to be there for him when all of this mess was finally over. I promised.

And, when push finally came to shove a few weeks ago, and I discovered this amazing secret life you’d been living, I still behaved rather kindly, all things considered. (I’ll admit that I’m regretting not taking a sledgehammer to your truck when we were in WY two weeks ago. I think it would have felt pretty good, but it’s just not my style. I have been contemplating throwing your dad’s Peace Lily over the deck railing in an attempt at a cathartic moment, but I can’t even muster that. I’d just have to go pick it all up, so what’s the point?)

You’re going to have to spin all of that to make the narrative you’ve been sharing work. But it won’t change the truth. The truth is still the truth. And will continue to be.

The truth is pretty cool, too, because you can always prove it. There’s documentation.

In the past two months, I have learned a lot about you, about us, and about me. Even after everything, I thought we could treat each other with respect and dignity. I’m hoping that’s still true. You need to come clean, Jim. I’m actually hoping she can join us on our calls at some point because I think we all need to be on the same page. She deserves the truth, too. And, after the events of the day, I am pretty sure she’s not getting it.

And, I am genuinely sorry that you are wrestling with this. Again. I wish you didn't have to ... I wish you had some tools to make this better so you never have to feel like this again. You are worth it, You matter. That beautiful, glowing light in your heart deserves to shine. The world is a better place when it does.