Apparently, I was in a different marriage.

The marriage I thought I was in is very different from the marriage I keep hearing about from you and your friends. 

When I saw you in Wyoming, you told me that we didn't communicate very well. I was confused by that because while I know our styles were different (me-head on, you-avoid at all costs), I thought our basic beliefs about who we were and what was important was the same. At least, that's what we said to each other when we were at what I thought was our most honest. 

When I hear your friends tell me that you had been discussing how tense it was at home, I get confused. 

Tense? I'm wracking my brain to figure out what we fought about besides the failure of the business and the financial hurricane that followed. I don't remember fighting about anything else. 

And from where I sat, the only time we fought about the business is when you failed to tell me what was going on. I'd eventually discover it because I had to pay for it or go to a lawyer for it or somehow cover it. I'd beg for you to tell me the truth, for you to tell me what else was to come, and you'd swear there was nothing ... and then there always was. 

So, yeah. That made me mad. That made me yell. And cry. And beg. 

It pisses me off that you were talking about how "tense" it was when you were doing siding and windows at the house in the woods. That was 2017. You insist that you were all in while we were in Jamaica in March, but by October you were orchestrating South Carolina condo deals. So somewhere in between, you became deeply involved with her. Which means, I think, that somewhere in between, you started looking for justification to leave. 

You started leaving breadcrumbs with our friends, so that when you did leave, you had a story set. 

But you didn't tell ME we were in trouble. You didn't tell me things were "tense." Because you knew that you were creating the reasons for it to be that way. 

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