Tevye sings.

In the famous musical "Fiddler On the Roof," patriarch and main character Tevye sings about how important traditions are to the people in his village. To be honest, I don't remember much of the lyrics beyond the strong chorus that belts out that word, three times for emphasis, as the staccato melody drives home the point of how vital traditions are: 

Tradition ... tradition. TRADITION!

I remember when I first learned the sign for that word. You make two "T" hands and move them like you're swinging an ax. It reminds me of the toiling poor Tevye did to try and keep his family fed and safe. 

It occurred to me this morning that you have four year's worth of holiday traditions with someone else. 

FOUR YEARS. 

Maybe it's Black Friday shopping. Maybe it's making prime rib. Maybe it's decorating cookies and playing Yatzee. 

Whatever it is, it's not our traditions. It's not the safe and stable foundation we gave Kati. (Even at 11 years old, she was sort of on the fence about Santa that first year we were together. Still makes me smile.) 

And I just can't imagine the scenario where it's not completely and totally bizarre for you to show up with little but the clothes on your back and never spend a single holiday with your family, with your daughter, with your friends. That screams odd and suspect. I'm assuming the story you tell paints you as the victim ... no one loves you and you're all alone. You and I know that's not true. And then you gotta wonder who is using who. 

It's stunning to me. How is that possible? I keep talking about the 20 years we have spent together, but really, you checked out after 16. Or maybe earlier. Who knows. 

I understand how much your dad hated the holidays. I'm willing myself to not fall into that hole myself at the moment. I won't let you take the joy from me. 

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