You're missing the best part

 



I'm getting ready for the big birthday party. I offered to have it here out of reflex. And then I spent a few days agonizing over it. How could I have Jodi here? They're just going to want to talk about you. Slam you, probably. Notice all of the things in/about the house that are in disrepair and snicker under their breath about them. Cassie's family, if any come, will just talk about how unfair it is that they can't live here instead of crowding in with Lori. 

It's a no-win situation for me. And there's no one on "my team" except for my mom and Karla, neither of whom will be much help. 

So I have cleaned. Washed floors, washed windows, dusted and de-cobwebbed. I've shut the door to your office ... still in a bit of a shambles from the big pipe burst. No one is allowed in there to see the single box I have packed up. (I couldn't finish the job. It hurt too much.) 

Today I hit the backyard. I weeded. I cut a ton of low-hanging branches off the trees back by the septic tank and dragged them to the treeline between our property and the field to the east. I spread 8 bags of new mulch in the bed at the bottom of the stairs and plugged up a few groundhog holes with big rocks, knowing that it won't really fix the problem and will probably just give the bastard license to dig another one ... or 10. 

I'm doing it for Kati. She deserves to have a home. She deserves to have a place that is hers. A history. A story. A center. A family. She deserves pretty photographs that will become part of her daughter's history, too. 

And you're missing all of it. 

Jim, that little girl is beautiful. And Kati loves her so much. I find myself watching Kati watch her and it's hard to hold back the tears ... my heart just fills with an emotion that I can't really describe. 

And River? She adores her mama, too. Her eyes light up when Kati talks. Kati is standing behind me, to my right, in that video, and River is watching her. Do you see the smile she gets when she listens to her mama? 

Did you hear Kati's laugh? 

I wish the clip was a little longer. If it was, you'd also hear a difference in Kati's speech. The cochlear is changing everything. She's learning how to hear, Jim. She recognizes sounds. She notices things like how the stove clicks when you turn on the burner. She's not processing words or conversation yet, but she can identify the S sound or the K sound and she knows if it comes in the beginning, middle or end of a word when you say it with your hand blocking the view of your mouth. It's jaw-droppingly amazing. She still has a lot of work ahead of her, but it's happening. 

THIS is what you fought for, Jim. This is the reward. A family ... your family. These are the people that matter most in your life. Your connection to your past and your future. They are your home. 

This is your home. 

This is your truth. 

And because you are hiding, you're missing out on the very best part of your life. 



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